


Cocks In Tights

by WhenIFindLoveAgain



Series: A Bag Of Bash For Passion [16]
Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Ballet, British Comedy, Comedy, Crossdressing, Dancing, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Love, M/M, Rescue, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-01
Updated: 2020-06-01
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:41:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24487618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenIFindLoveAgain/pseuds/WhenIFindLoveAgain
Summary: Mingyu's ballerina sister nearly has her dreams crushed of her original production crashing to the dirt when most of her male dancers are in a car accident in the city. Joshua, Chan, Seungkwan, Soonyoung, Jeonghan, Mingyu and Minghao come to her rescue...while Seokmin, Seungcheol, Vernon, Wonwoo and Jihoon have a fit over it
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Chwe Hansol | Vernon, Chwe Hansol | Vernon/Lee Jihoon | Woozi, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan, Jeon Wonwoo/Kim Mingyu, Jeon Wonwoo/Kwon Soonyoung | Hoshi, Wen Jun Hui | Jun/Xu Ming Hao | The8
Series: A Bag Of Bash For Passion [16]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1678627
Kudos: 16





	Cocks In Tights

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoy this; tell me what you think 
> 
> X

"...And Matty kept feeling up Drongo's back pockets for the cigarette lighter he always keeps in there 'cause he knows Matty smokes on stage but everyone now in the UK thinks that Matty's groping Drongo because he did it for a whole song, like..."

Jihoon grinned and chuckled as he overhead Vernon speaking on the phone, Vernon lying across the couch in his studio. Vernon soon hung up. He was practically glowing.

"Can I ask you something?" Vernon quipped.

"No." Jihoon replied.

"Ok, mate, no worries." Vernon got up from the couch, not put out of his good nature. "See you later, love."

"Enough of that." Jihoon didn't look up from his notebook full of lyrics; he'd just written three different versions of the same song but if either of the three versions were released they'd be screwed over for "religious hate crime" or something. He had decided to call it "Madonna" due to an on-going thought in his head, and, between the three versions of the song, it was observed to the point of man finding and/or aspiring to find Deity in a woman, a girl wanting to a Deity, and people killing the Madonna. The first one they might get away with, the second wouldn't work unless they had a collaboration with a female singer or a girl group, and the third would get rocks thrown through their windows.

Lovely.

A few minutes later, Seungcheol came into Jihoon's studio. He looked quite pale. He was followed in by Vernon, Wonwoo and Joshua.

"Uh, hey, mate, look, we'll be frank...and short and all of that other fucking shit. We've got a slightly scenario." Vernon took position of Seungcheol's voicebox. He didn't seem to be very with it, Joshua half holding onto him. 

"What's happened?" Jihoon asked. "Is he alright?"

"Mingyu's sister with her ballet stuff, right?" Wonwoo explained. Jihoon nodded. "A couple of the boys that were supposed to be in that production she choregraphed and wrote and directed - everything by herself - that's playing at the Camden Theatre in town - they've had a bit of a disaster. Coming down to the theatre, they were in a car accident with a bus."

"Oh, fuck, has anyone died?" Jihoon felt sick all of a sudden. 

"No, but, they're at the hospital...and, basically, Mingyu, Chan, Seungkwan, Soonyoung, Jeonghan, and Minghao have gone down to give them a hand." Joshua explained the rest. "And Hannie's blackmailed me into a pair of tights, so, I've got to go."

"So...what the fuck is actually going on?" Jihoon said.

"75% of Seventeen have been transformed into cocks in tights." Vernon responded.  
///  
"The guys can't do ballet. Why the hell did they say they could?" Jihoon asked as he, Vernon, and Wonwoo sat down in the eigth row of the theatre which audience stands stood at fifty rows, with second and third storey balcony suits to view the production from. Mingyu's sister had struck gold, and couldn't afford to have it damaged by her male dancers getting knocked up in a car accident. The seats smelt curiously old but not musty or disintergrated - something about the velvet upholstery, Jihoon guessed - and the carving of the seats, made to look about a hundred years older than they actually were. The theatre was modeled like something to be found in Western Europe, but, it wasn't suffocating or something that was strongly "put-on". It was quite graceful.

"The reason why they said that they'd help is that they don't actually have to do any dancing - as such. Just pick up the girls, spin them around, sit down a few times, do basically a lunge exercise, and try not to fall over." Vernon explained.

"I can't believe I'm going to have to see my choregrapher -" Jihoon said of Soonyoung. "In ladie's tights."

"Well, technically, they're not ladies tights. They're just tights." Wonwoo replied.

"No, only girl's wear tights." Jihoon shook his head. 

"Actually, blokes in the UK did in the old days." Vernon chipped in.

"Yeah, the 13th Century." Wonwoo agreed. "They still wore them in the early 1900's."

"They were cotton by then, not silk like the rest of time -" Vernon added.

"Everyone, shut up about hoisery, please." Jihoon groaned, but, then, he grinned wickedly at Vernon. "Seungkwan will be in a pair of tights too."

"Oh, shut up." Vernon slapped Jihoon's chest as Wonwoo grinned. His smile faltered.

"So will Joshua and Jeonghan." He said. Vernon cackled.

"Where's Cheol? Oh, he's gotta see this." Vernon looked around, and ignored the dark looks and whispers he had copped from the rest of the audience at the reaction he had given. Jihoon thought that Mingyu's sister must be terrified; the 1500 seat theatre was full to the brim nearly, and tickets to see dancing productions weren't cheap, and ballet productions were notorious; there was a reason why the audience were all in tailored clothes with model-esque figures and Danish jewelry, Vogue glasses and YSL lipstick and Swiss shoes. This was a culture in the Entertainment industry that the Korean society hadn't been able to put it's twist on; the ballet culture was one sort, and that one sort was universal.

And blokes that looked like Jihoon, Vernon, Wonwoo - actually, Wonwoo could be an exception, he looked to be within the same world as the rest of the audience with his suit jacket and clean shirt and high-boned face with his heavily slanted eyes and glasses - and, the now yet appeared Seungcheol - were automatically known to not be part of this crowd.  
///  
Joshua nearly pissed himself laughing at the sight of Jeonghan in a pair of silver-toned wrap waist skirt - Mingyu's sister's production been set in an older world time, but with a Scandinavian neo-pagan naturalistic modernity in it's visual aesthetic. "Probably a good thing you don't have your long hair anymore." Joshua joked. Jeonghan smacked his crotch, and both gazed open-mouthed at how...unconstrained Joshua's sex was in the tights before they both nearly passed out from lack of oxygen. 

"Why are you in a pair of tights?" Jeonghan asked, still grinning after a few minutes. "Junnie and Hao aren't." 

"Yes, he is." Junhui appeared in black tights. Jeonghan and Joshua both went, "Hubba-hubba." "But Hao isn't." Junhui jutted his thumb behind him. "Apparently only the buff ones are in tights." 

Joshua felt mildly proud but Jeonghan just cackled. "We can really do the Kermit jokes." He beamed at Joshua, talking about Minghao.

"Do you know the music we're supposed to be dancing to?" Junhui asked. Joshua shrugged, but Jeonghan answered, "Alexandre Desplat". 

"No way." Joshua said while Junhui just nodded. Both men looked at him.

"Why?" They both said.

"Alexandre Desplat is a very famous composer - he did music for "The Danish Girl", "The Theory Of Everything", "Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows: Part Two", plus..."Anna Kareina" I think." Joshua explained. "And he's done work now for Mingyu's little sister."

Jeonghan looked at Joshua. "You get this feeling that maybe we've underestimated things a little bit?" He asked slowly.

"Fuck yes." Junhui answered cleanly. Jeonghan burst out laughing again. Joshua decided it must be nerves; he and Junhui were appearing before God-knows how many people...in ladies hoisery and other garments. Chan appeared by Junhui's side in a long black skirt that was rather low on his hips. Junhui stirred him up by repeatedly touching his abdomen. Chan viciously pinched the top of Junhui's ear. Soon, Mingyu and Seungkwan appeared in black tights and then white tights for Seungkwan, and Soonyoung was in a skirt similar to Chan's but with a black waiscoat that had all it's buttons open at the front.

"Ah, Romeo. Finally, here comes your bird Juliet." Seungkwan pointed down the hall at the back of the stage, talking to Junhui but gesturing to Minghao coming up the hall in a sheat-cut dress with a crew neck and no sleeves, straight and almost vilely simple, with two dart lines by his chest and the fabric black and a stiff fabric, lined wool. Minghao scowled and ran up the rest of a hall in a split second, but Mingyu and Joshua saved Minghao from beating Seungkwan to within an inch of his life.

"God, I hope their aren't any carats or photographers in the audience." Chan's features went quite dark and tight for a second. "I'll fucking smack them..."

"Calm down, baby, it's just the tights making your cross..." Jeonghan put his hands on Chan's shoulders and half-waddled down the hall behind him as Chan went on his way but Jeonghan continued trying to calm him down, murming into Chan's ear.  
///  
Jihoon read the booklet on the production, and, actually, it sounded very interesting, and very, very good. And, honestly, it was very, very good, between Vernon dying of shame at the sight of seeing Mingyu, Joshua, Chan, Seungkwan, Soonyoung, Jeonghan, and Minghao in a collection of tights, skirts, robes and dresses - especially Seungkwan. From the stage with the lights and the utter gravity of what they had to concerntrate on, the audience's watchful silence mattered none to them, and the audicence couldn't be seen anyhow. Wonwoo whispered a few comments to Jihoon that Jihoon didn't mind him doing.

"God, don't drop her, don't drop her..." Vernon, Jihoon and Vernon held their breaths as Soonyoung himself lifted Mingyu's sister - who was dancing the role of some sort of Druid - in a incredibly black voile dress with two thigh slits, the dress's fabric like silk. The pointe shoes on her feet look like she had dipped her limbs into black paint, so fine the work there too. Soonyoung didn't drop her as Mingyu's sister moved and arched her body with a brilliant grace. 

Jihoon wondered how many people saw one of the ballerina's lift Jeonghan up into the air rather than him lifting her. Vernon got the giggles when they saw the look of fury of Mingyu's face when he looked at Jeonghan who was blushing and half-smiling awkwardly.

"I hope this doesn't get posted on the internet." Jihoon quipped.

"I think it's getting made into a DVD." Wonwoo remarked. Mingyu had been talking to him about it on the phone while, earlier that afternoon, he, Joshua, Chan, Seungkwan, Soonyoung, Jeonghan, and Minghao had been down at Mingyu's sister's studios practicing a bit of what they had to fill in.

"Oh...shit." Vernon and Jihoon said simultaneously.

"Where the fuck is Cheol?" Vernon asked, unknowing to him, the performance a minute of ending. "Should we go and look?" Just as he finished speaking, the whole theatre erupted into cheers and applause. Perhaps insultingly, for the last five minutes, Jihoon and Vernon had not gave a scrap of attention to what was going up on stage, to busy thinking about Seungcheol.

Wonwoo stood up with the rest of the audience and applauded, and, in doing so, caught the attention of a very, very attractive woman in her mid-forties - it was hard to tell in the darkness - on his right side. "We've got cocks in tights and a sugar baby set-up now." Jihoon whispered under his breath darkly to Vernon, internally put out that he technically had fucked up in missing according to Wonwoo, Mingyu, Joshua, Chan, Seungkwan, Soonyoung, Jeonghan, and Minghao later was one of the most incredibly solos to be performed in a ballet by someone who had never done it before in their life.

"Hang on..." Wonwoo said.

"What, what?" Vernon and Jihoon nearly barked at him.

"Isn't Seungcheol with Seokmin?" He asked.

"Oh my fucking God, I completely forgot." Vernon face-palmed himself.

"What?" Jihoon looked between Wonwoo and Vernon. He truly had had enough of this. He still couldn't barely concieve what was going on around him; how he was in a ballet theatre with Wonwoo and Vernon - and supposedly Seokmin and Seungcheol also - watching Mingyu, Joshua, Chan, Seungkwan, Soonyoung, Jeonghan, and Minghao perform in a stand-in place for Mingyu's sister so her dream and her production didn't fail. That wasn't really the problem - as such. It was been surrounded by upper class piles of pus where all the women looked like they had never known humanity their whole lives and had something up their backsides, the men looked like what heterosexual people thought was gay but they obviously weren't, the European architecture was now giving him the shits, and seeing most of his band in tights and robes and dresses - no, no, no, enough, absolutely enough.

"About Seokmin!" Vernon elaborated. Jihoon looked helplessly to Wonwoo, but he was consumed in conversation with that much older, but undeniably beautiful woman.

"You cock." Jihoon told him stoutly. Vernon shrugged, not bothered by the insult.

"Come on, let's go and see them and get photos of them before they get out of their tights." Vernon grinned. "Hey, maybe their wearing knickers as well."

"Oh, shut up, Vern." Jihoon sighed. Vernon put an arm around his shoulders.

"It's been a strange evening, I get that." Vernon remarked. "But, hey, think about this -" He mimed a position that had been part of the dance, arms held out in bows by the front of his bed, his ankles crossed, and his chin up. "Who would have thought that we'd see the guys do that and in the process elbow one of the girls in the face, and how that ballerina had to pick up Jeonghan because he couldn't pick her up, and how Junhui was scratching his crotch when Mingyu was dancing with his sister and Jeonghan and Joshua and Minghao looked like they were playing twister?"

Jihoon chuckled. Vernon had made a good point. "Fucking disaster, wasn't it, really, come on?" He said. Vernon nodded, smiling a bit.

"Little one seems happy." He pointed up to Mingyu's sister on the stage. Everyone in the audience gave an "awh" and another round of applause as Mingyu gave his sister a hug, a kiss on her cheek for appearences of her audience, before crudely putting her on his shoulder and smacking her backside while the ballerinas gave an "all hail" performance and Joshua, Chan, Seungkwan, Soonyoung, Jeonghan, and Minghao stood there trying to keep up their own appearences and dignity.  
///  
"Nice flowers you got." Wonwoo praised Soonyoung, filling up a pint-glass of tap water to put the flowers into; the bouquet was to have been given to Mingyu's sister by the head sponsor of her production and another person, a former ballet instructor, but Mingyu's sister had given the flowers to Soonyoung instead, "And on behalf of the rest of my brother's friends who had the courage to get into the costumes and help me in wake of an absolute and utter cock-up."

"You think?" Soonyoung briefly sniffed the apple blossom, madonna lily and peonies.

"You can tell it was meant for Mingyu's little sister, but still..." Wonwoo commented, making Soonyoung laugh.

"It was this really strange feeling; I was terrified of messing it up for little sister but, then, when I got up on the stage despite what I was wearing, I thought to myself, "Hey, girl, you're no the only one that can wriggle about"."

"What's it like in there?" Wonwoo nodded his head to the sitting room. 

"What do you mean?" Soonyoung asked.

"Did you not see with Jeonghan?" Wonwoo put the flowers on the kitchen table.

"What about him?" Soonyoung followed Wonwoo around like a small chicken.

"The ballerina had to pick him up because he couldn't pick her up." Wonwoo said.

"You're fucking kidding." Soonyoung's whole face opened a little bit in shock.

"I'm not." Wonwoo confirmed.

"I'll kill him." Soonyoung decided with a vaguely British calmness.  
///  
"So, all the while, you and Seokmin were up with the lighting crew?" Jihoon found out when he asked Seungcheol, who nodded. It was a small interlude in the mess of them having Jeonghan for having to get lifted by the ballerina.

"How could you not pick her up?" Mingyu demanded. "Ilsa is a tiny little thing."

"Ilsa?" Jeonghan blinked. "Why is she called Ilsa?"

"Because she's Danish?" Mingyu replied. A look of blankness came over his face before he roared Jeonghan's name. "HAN, HOW COULD YOU NOT TELL THAT YOUR DANCING PARTNER FOR NEARLY THE WHOLE PRODUCTION WASN'T FUCKING ASIAN?!" 

Joshua, Chan, Seungkwan, Soonyoung, Jeonghan, Vernon, Jihoon, Seungcheol, Seokmin and Minghao burst out laughing.

"YOU'VE MADE MY LITTLE SISTER LOOK LIKE A MORON!"

"God, hey, didn't she do a good job, then, eh?" Vernon nudged Mingyu's side before reaching across and patting Jeonghan's knee, he now in a pair of pyjama pants and a shirt, all of them changed from the clothes they had worn for the production's performance. He leaned over the couch and shouted into the kitchen as Joshua, Chan, Seungkwan, Soonyoung, Jeonghan, Vernon, Jihoon, Seungcheol, Seokmin and Minghao were near hysterical with laughter and as Mingyu continued to shout at Jeonghan. "HEY! WONU! WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT WOMAN YOU WERE CHATTING UP?!"

Dead silence filled up the room. Everyone asked along the lines variations of the one and same question.

"What woman?"

"There was this woman about forty-five or something sitting next to Wonwoo and he paid just as much attention to her as he did you lot." Jihoon explained. Wonwoo was suddenly frog-marched into the sitting room by Soonyoung.

"Forty-five?" Seungcheol and Minghao questioned.

"She's fifty-three, actually." Wonwoo defended himself, going quite pink.

"Now, that is wrong on too many levels." Chan put out decidedly. "I need a beer, anyone else?"

Eight volounteered.

"But, honestly, I think she prefers Josh over me, actually." Wonwoo said. There wasn't any doubt in the world that he was lying. That's partly what made everyone collapse into hysterical laughter and as much noise as they did.

"What's her name?" Jeonghan asked.

"Kang Yu-qi."

Mingyu nearly had a fit. "She's my sister's idol!" He blurted. "She was with the Stuttgurt Ballet since 1987 and did all the big roles - Juliet, Giselle, Ophelia - oh, fucking hell, Woo."

"So, did you get her number?" Seungcheol asked.

Wonoo nodded very slowly, and very tenatively.

Everyone practically shrieked "Playboy!".


End file.
